I'm struggling a bit - learning how to deal with loss - loss of a close family member. This passed week - I had to force myself to hang washing on the line. I hate the wash line - it's the reason my mom wasn't with my dad when he passed. She was bringing my washing in off the line while I was out. Guilt. I get angry when I see really old folk, and think - that's so unfair - dad was so young. I am struggling to sleep and my mom is always on my mind.
I understand sad more now. What it means to be sad, and how it feels.
I am ok with his passing - mostly, I have no questions about where he is and what he's doing, but it's the missing part that's rough. And there's still lots to work through.
If I could, I would turn my phone off and go away for a long time.
Dealing with it all.
Happy for my family and friends who are nearby and loving and kind to each other and me. I'm grateful for all the hugs and kisses, and sweet words, and cakes, and dinners, and bubble bath and beautiful flowers.
I'm grateful for a good friend who watched our kids while Brod whisked me off to a movie, for the breather it gave me from my house...which is my home & sanctuary - but has been feeling quite confining lately.
I wish I could switch my brain off for a bit.
xxx
1 comment:
Shame hun, I do to a certain extent understand how you are feeling. Please dont feel guilty though its a part of us as human beings to. Wish there was a way to take all that pain and heart ache but I have no answer. Its not going to be easy but with time hun you will be able to deal with it better.And that is our prayer for you and your family that you are able to pass through this time. We thinking of you all . Lots of love us
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